The Inside Pitch ...
Spoiled MTV teens and T.O. live in a world of their own
A quick question: What is the most used button on a man's remote control?
No, it's not the fast forward and rewind buttons, you perverts. No, it's not the mute button, although it is necessary for games with Bill Walton, Dick Vitale and Tim McCarver giving commentary.
The answer: The last or previous channel button.
It's not even close. Any guy who watches television, particularly sports, uses this button like artwork. Most women underestimate the button's value. I still don't think my mom has grasped its whole concept or importance.
The other day, I was giving the last channel button a healthy workout between ESPN's 24-hour coverage of the Terrell Owens saga and MTV, hoping to catch the episode of "Laguna Beach" where Jason stands up Jessica to eat dinner with Alex M., (yes, I do need a life). Anyway, MTV wasn't airing its little show about self-important rich kids living in their own little world.
Instead, MTV was showing a marathon of another show about even worse self-important rich kids. Yep, I stumbled on four straight hours of "My Super Sweet 16."
For those of you have never seen it, "My Super Sweet 16" centers around spoiled, rich brats who are throwing their perfect sweet 16 birthday party.
By perfect, I mean, a ridiculously over-the-top, look-at-how-much-money-we-have, elitist ego stroke of a celebration. MTV follows these kids and their parents throughout the process. After two hours of watching, I decided that every time I dreamed of winning the lottery, I would also hope not to have a daughter.
For those of you living in a cave for the last two months, the Terrell Owens saga centers around one spoiled, rich brat and his snake-oil peddling agent, who are unhappy with a $49 million contract with the Philadelphia Eagles.
In that span, Owens has threatened to skip training camp, alienated teammates, including quarterback Donovan McNabb, unhappily showed up at training camp, injured his groin, was kicked out of camp for a week for insubordination and basically presented himself as the perfect example of the egotistical, selfish, greedy athlete that everyone hates.
After watching four hours of both simultaneously, I came to a revelation: they are basically the same. Think about it. One show deals with bratty children asking mommy and daddy for more money, the other is about an athlete acting like a bratty child asking for more money from his team.
Need more similarities, take some of these comments from both situations and see for yourself.
"Don't tell me the world doesn't revolve around me, because today it does." - Sophie from "My Super Sweet 16."
Actually, both T.O. and Sophie believe the world revolves around them, but not just one day, it's every day. Hey Sophie, if the world revolves around you because its your birthday, does it mean no one else has a birthday on the same day? Just to make that comment, means her little world should be renamed "Fantasy Land."
The sports world seems to be revolving around Owens, and the media has done nothing to dispel that notion. If anything, the constant coverage, the columns castigating him and the overwhelming analysis has enhanced it. There are only so many stories, so many columns, so many ways of dissecting the situation. Except for the brilliant mind who is comparing it to an MTV show.
"But I really want one daddy, I will never settle for anything less than a new Range Rover." - Ava from "My Super Sweet 16."
"My attitude is not going to change ... As far as me going into camp and changing, nothing's going to change. I will not go out and try to be somebody I'm not." - Owens.
Ahh, young Ava. She freaked out about the possibility of not getting the new Range Rover she wanted. She had a caniption about the even scarier possibility of getting a used Range Rover to which she replied, "Used? Ewwwww."
To prove her point to her parents, she runs away to a resort with her friends for a weekend. The best part is when she tries to buy some designer shoes and purse and finds out that her parents cancelled her credit cards. She cries that the whole world is against her.
T.O. made it through about three days of camp. He was hurt after one day and couldn't participate. He was then asked to leave for a week because he freaked out after head coach Andy Reid confronted him about skipping a team autograph session and told him to shut up in the ensuing conversation.
"Everybody knows (Reid) is a controlling guy. He wants to be the main guy," Owens told reporters. Well, Terrell, he is the main guy. That whole head coach title makes him the main guy. And he did the right thing by sending you home to your room.
"A lot of people don't like me because I'm a b****. But a lot of people would like to be me because I'm blessed." - Sophie.
"At the end of the day, I don't have to worry about what people think of me, whether they hate me or not. People hated on Jesus. They threw stones at him and tried to kill him, so how can I complain or worry about what other people think." - Terrell Owens.
Back to Sophie. At least she realizes what she is and admits it. She believes people want to be her because she is rich, not blessed. In that syntax, blessed means rich, don't kid yourself. A quick observation, Sophie weighs almost as much as T.O. despite standing a foot shorter than him. I don't think people want to be like that.
It gets worse. We've got T.O. comparing himself to Jesus. I don't even know where to begin. I can handle T.O. saying he's one of the best receivers in the NFL and comparing his contract to other top receivers, but comparing himself to Jesus? The last channel button on my remote no longer works because I threw it through the TV.
Talk about two people who have slightly inflated perceptions of themselves. Everyone wants to be like Sophie, except for T.O. who is too busy being like Jesus.
But there are so many more similarities. You could compare Reid to one of those rich dads that just has to shake his head at what he's gotten himself into. You could compare Owens and McNabb to Jacqueline and Lauren, who throw their party together but end up just trying to one up the other.
But my favorite will always be Sophie, who summed up both her and Owens' attitudes best saying, "I'm not a diva. I'm a star."
I think I'm going to throw up. Suddenly, the kids on "Laguna Beach" seem normal.
Too much more of this and my favorite button on the remote will be the off button.