So what's up with Britain these days? The country is, quite literally, turning into the crazy cat lady of nations.
At the end of August a woman — bank-employee Mary Bale, 45 — was caught on a security camera pausing during her walk home from work to pet a cat on a brick ledge. After a few seconds of kitty petting and purring, Bale looked to stage left at a nearby trash bin and had a little light bulb moment that changed her life forever.
The next thing you know, she's lifting the lid on the bin, tossing the cat in and slamming the lid shut before continuing on home. You can almost see the skip in her step as she goes 'round the bend, as they say in her homeland.
The cat, Lola, was missing for 15 hours before her humans found her. Then they found the video footage and changed the world.
In hopes of getting help to identify the cat assailant, so they could turn her over to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, Lola's humans posted the video on the Internet where it went viral, as they say in all the hip web-joints around the world. Hundreds of thousands of people watched Bale's dirty deed and became outraged in global proportions.
Lola's humans got what they were looking for and a whole lot more.
Apparently, hell hath no fury like cat lovers scorned. People commented on the video website. They commented on news sites that carried articles about the situation. They sent messages to one another to rally the hostilities. And, when all that wasn't enough to fan the flames of irrational anger, they created whole websites, like "Mary Bale is worse than Hitler," dedicated to nothing else but hatin' on the "crazy cat bin lady."
Threats of harm and death-related acts against Bale became so prevalent that the police force had to be called in to protect her for a few days. Some of the furor died down once the RSPCA announced they are considering charges against Bale, and since Bale issued a public apology for her early comments which included, "I suddenly thought it would be funny to put it in the wheelie bin," and "It's just a cat at the end of the day." Right.
She really should find a lawyer with a background in public relations. Maybe get some therapy, just saying.
Then just when you thought it was safe to come out of the litter box... Britain has a new cat crisis by the name of Oi! Kitty.
A pink-dyed cat showed up in a backyard garden in the town of Swindon and was turned over to the RSPCA who had it examined, and bathed, by a veterinarian. The vet declared the animal in good health despite its color and noted that the cat's fur had collar wear marks.
The RSPCA put out a call to find the owner of the cat and any information about who could've committed this heinous prank against the poor little kitty.
Natasha Gregory, 22, came forward to claim the cat she calls Oi! Kitty saying basically, "Hey, thanks for finding my cat I've been looking for, and what do you mean prank? I carefully died the cat pink — my favorite color — so she would match my own hair color. We think we're beautiful."
All right then.
Seems Gregory used red food dye sold for human consumption to turn Oi! Kitty into a pink fluffiness, carefully keeping the dye out of her kitty eyes and nose, so the RSPCA couldn't find fault with Gregory's actions and returned the kitty to her home.
The Brits are outraged.
On http://news.uk.msn.com one commenter asked, "What's next? Holding it underwater to check its lung capacity?? Disgusting!" and another asked, "What kind of stupid ***** calls a cat 'Oi! Kitty'!" Because that's so important.
Seriously? This much hostility because she used a human-food safe dye to make her and her cat into a Pepto twin-set?
Besides, they're British, don't they have more important things to worry about? Like curing they're country's epidemic of scraggly teeth.
What? I'm just saying.
(I'm thinking of changing my column name to Oi! Funny Girl, so you know where my loyalties lie at http://viewnorth40.wordpress.com.)