By Ron VandenBoom
Despite arguments to the contrary, reporters are human. Sometimes our unavoidable humanness breaks through the editing process and mistakes appear in the newspaper.
You can rest assured that no one hates seeing mistakes more than the reporter that made them. You can also rest assured that no one laughs harder when they see mistakes in a newspaper than the reporter that's been there and done that.
With that in mind, I present to you a few bloopers that have appeared in newspapers from all over the country. Please forgive me if I don't have room to credit the reporters or the papers.
This first batch comes from church related announcements from religious pages.
"The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church."
"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
"The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience."
"The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."
"The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her."
"Today's Sermon: How Much Can A Man Drink? With hymns from a full choir."
Headlines can also be a cause of levity to people reading newspapers.
Here are a few for your enjoyment.
"Actor sent to jail for not finishing sentence."
"Two convicts evade nooses; jury hung."
"Drunk gets nine months in violin case."
"Iraqi head seeks arms."
"Enraged cow injures farmer with ax."
"British left waffles on Falkland Islands."
Just so you don't think I'm picking on everybody else, here's one from a 1970s edition of the Havre Daily News.
"City council moves to resolve stinking problem."
I wonder where they moved?
Classified ads also offer humor if not properly phrased n here's a few
"Dinner Special Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2."
"For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers."
"Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else."
"Stock up and save. Limit: one."
"For rent: six-room hated apartment."
"Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale."
"And now, the Superstore unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience."
As you can see from this tiny sample, newspapers are no more perfect then the people that write, edit, and proof them. But keep in mind, the people quoted in the news make mistakes too.
I give as an example, Dan Quayle, former vice president of the United States who said, "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."