Howdy Beaver
By Alkali Springs correspondent
From time to time this column does have readers who write and ask questions. We save all those questions and answer them publicly every once in a while. Since it has been a while since we have addressed this part of our correspondence, there is no time like the present to do it.
Why do you call your column "Howdy Beaver"? That one is easy to answer. Howdy Beaver is the official mascot for Beaver Creek Park and the fellow (Greg Morley) who wrote this column before we did used that heading; we just kept it.
Why do you always write in the second person? Believe us when we tell you that it has been one of the most difficult parts of this column through the years to keep referring to us as we and the like. Why, some folks have actually written in asking us if we have a t_ _ _ in our pocket. The reason we do it is simple to keep us humble.
Why do you refer to yourself as the Alkali Springs correspondent when you know you were kicked out of our coulee years ago? We were not kicked out. You know, reader, that we moved out willingly when you moved into the coulee. We said, take us to a coulee without any riffraff.
Why don't you mention Cleveland more? When you two old bachelors from Cleveland were our only readers, we felt we should mention Cleveland rather often. However, since we have picked up those three from Kremlin and the two from Augusta, we feel we don't have to mention anything except what we want to mention when we want to mention them.
Why do you keep writing about Bee Lucke and C.L. Stuart?
That is simple. When we have absolutely nothing at all to write about, that is when the well is really empty, we can think about them and ask ourselves what they would be doing now, and come up with something totally outrageous and off the wall and very enjoyable to write.
What makes you the expert on plants and flowers? After all, if memory serves, didn't you get an F in botany? We don't profess to be an expert in anything. We just have to be smarter than you and that takes no brains at all. And for your information, when we took botany for the second time, we got a D-plus!
Why don't you move back to Glasgow and leave us alone? Why don't you move to Burnham and join the rest of its citizens!
When are you ever going to stop writing that stupid column? I heard you had prostate cancer and at least then, there was a hope that I would not have to see that column in the Havre Daily anymore, but still, on and on and on. When will it end? We thought the end was in sight, too, but then we learned that prostate cancer goes on and on and on, just like our column. So it could be decades before we get too weak to write. So sorry. You might try paying us more than the Havre Daily does. Sort of paying us not to write it. We would have to consider that carefully.
