Attack of the Fry-scraper
Some folks in London are muttering a new saying: “If you can’t stand the heat, demolish the new skyscraper causing it.”
Originally dubbed the “Walkie-Talkie” for its unique shape, London’s newest skyscraper, nearing the end of construction, has earned the new names of “Walkie Scorchie” and “The Fry-scraper” because its concave face catches and reflects sunlight in a way that it focuses the light into a burning beam of solar rays — in much the same way that a magnifying glass is used to kill ants.
Dailymail.co.uk reports that Londoners in the reflective area have experienced scorched carpet in their businesses, scorched people on the sidewalks and melted vehicles. One gent returned to his new, black Jaguar to find several body panels and a side mirror warped and scorched.
“Blimey, I didn’t even know the sun shined in the ol’ UK. This is simply horrific and a sign of our once great city’s demise at the feet of capitalism,” one Londoner told Pamville News while holding a frying pan with a sizzling egg in the bright glare of condensed sun-rays. “Can we walk and talk, chap? I've found you get a good even heat if you follow the light very closely.”
No word yet on solutions, but the fried eggs are delish.
‘Get your aarrrgh on’ day
Avast ye mateys, prepare to speak pirate. International Talk Like a Pirate Day is Sept. 19 so people have less than two weeks to brush up on their pirate accent, swarthy squint and parrot parodies.
On the event’s official website, Talklikeapirate.com, organizers claim to have parties confirmed in celebration of this glorious day “from South Africa to the South Pole, from New York to the Pacific Northwest.”
In addition to the website, organizers trying to get the word out are relying on other traditional pirate forms of communication — a Facebook page and an online subscription to their e-news publication, “The Poopdeck.”
Organizers also have available an online Talk Like a Pirate Day party locater through Google maps — just like Blackbeard and Mary Read used to navigate the world.
The ‘pee straight’ revolution
International news from NBCNews.com focuses an innovative businessman from Shenzhen, China.
Now that the Shenzhen City Public Toilet Management Act has given city sanitation managers and public officials the right to charge anyone caught making a mess while using public bathrooms $15, people are desperate to "pee straight," or so one entrepreneur hopes.
To help Chinese men and women who are aiming-challenged stay on target and come out ahead financially, inventor Ma Xianqing designed the "Pee Straight" device which consists of a funnel attached to a long plastic hose — slightly shorter for women.
The device, which is billed as helping to "save your money for peeing straight, peeing freely!" sells for one-tenth the price of a bathroom fine.
Calls from Pamville News to a prospective “Pee Straight” investor, I.P. Freely, had not been returned by deadline this morning.
Thank you for reading Pamville News, where our motto is: "The truth hurts, so we medicate with a small dose of fiction."
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