View from the North 40: My firm resolution to be resolute

New Year resolutions don’t work. Don’t go there if you are faint of heart or weak of will.

I remind myself of that every year and normally don’t flirt with this danger, but this year … yeah, call me crazy, call me bold, call me a fool’s fool, but I’m doing it.

I’m not going with anything too weird, like “get organized,” or physically unattainable, like vowing to climb the Matterhorn or anything equally unattainable like running a 1K marathon.

The list contains all the basic, boring elements of improvement goals:

1. Eat more lean meats. I do a good job of eating vegetables and fruits, plenty of dairy and pretty dang good on whole grains.

2. Drink more water. We all know that the body is made up of about 60 percent water, the brain and heart are about 75 percent and the lungs 80-something percent, so if I don’t stay hydrated these body part things don’t work properly. They can’t work properly because theylook like my house plants.

3. Get more sleep than just five hours per night. It might feel like I’m being lazy, but the brain and body need quality rest of sufficient length or I fall asleep randomly, and it looks like I’m just making fun of the truly narcoleptic.

4. Relax and de-stress better by going outside to do fun things or meditate. Forget the housework and chores for a bit stop, searching and reading and watching and listening on the Internet, and take a walk or something.

5. Which reminds me: I can’t rush out to overwork myself exercising like an Olympian. Start out taking a few walks and take it slow so I don’t kill myself.

6. I also can’t kill myself over stuff that doesn’t matter to me in the long run. I should protect myself from negative people and negative situations. Do what needs doing, but don’t invite trouble into my home or my newly hydrated and sleep-freshened brain.

One article I read said that only 8 percent of people keep their resolutions past one month. I feel pretty good about my odds because I’m 50 now, old enough to be mature, and I’m fully prepared to act like it.

Another article suggested working on resolutions with a friend, but I don’t think that will work for me. For starters, I’m not competitive so my friend would be upping the ante, walking seven days a week or starting to jog, and I’d be all “You go on without me. I’m just going to take a moment to share my wealth with that breadmaker over there. I’ll catch up to you as soon as I’m done with my pop and this order of breadsticks.”

That article also said to be kind to your resolution-struggling self. I should pretend I am my own friend and encourage myself with the same comforting words I would use on her.

So pretty much, I’d be telling myself, “You ate what? You loser! Why didn’t you save any for me? Come on, I’m taking the car to town for ice cream. You got shotgun.”

Therefore, nope, the buddy-system is not for me, I’m doing this alone. I have a strategy.

I'm using the KISS “keep it simple stupid” stradegy and simplifying all the blah blah blah.

To help me remember what I’m working toward. I have shortened the list to a few punchy words per resolution:

1. Eat more

2. Drink heavily

3. Be lazy

4. Don’t clean house

5. Don’t exercise

6. Be self-centered.

(I’m feeling pretty good about my odds of success at [email protected].)