View from the North 40: Signs that they live among us

This week the Havre Daily News published a series of articles which indicate the county has a mystery afoot in the housing market but, fear not, I am a font of answers that will set your mind at ease.

A mysterious entity is buying up properties with delinquent taxes and not doing anything with the properties but letting them go derelict. It’s causing a noticeable blight in this county and others across the state.

It’s aliens.

I was going to lead into that better, maybe give a spoiler alert, but it’s aliens — the real kind, from space — and I couldn’t be more excited if I were a litter of puppies at feeding time.

They are among us, they have formed a property-buying corporation and they live in rundown housing sites because they see and live in a world with four dimensions.

In the fourth dimension, the energy output of decaying material is an alien home-owner’s dream décor.

You see a blighted eyesore, they see multi-hewed glowing bungalow.

Don't judge them by your limited view.

And while you're at it, don't be alarmed. The aliens are trying to co-exist with our three dimensional world are our neighbors. Don’t panic. Don’t try to deport them. The space program is too broke to launch them back to the home-planet. Don’t try to build a wall to keep them out. They came from the sky, so you understand the issues there, right? A wall across the sky?

Their intentions are unknown, but my sources say that all the properties they buy are plotted onto a map, forming a crop circle of sorts. This map, when complete, will send a message back to the mothership.

Right now, in the buying phase, the message is being formed. It’s kind of a random, organic process. They don’t know what properties are coming up and they don’t know what liens the owners will buy back, so they don’t know what the plotted message will say in the end.

It’s kind of like putting random words written on pieces of paper into a box, then pulling out words one at a time to form a sentence.

The sentence might end up reading: The hairy grandmother ate green roses running in the very it for dinner.

We don’t know what that means when translated into alien speak, so hold on to your hats. In fact, it never hurts to protect yourself against every eventuality. I recommend as a safety precaution everyone start wearing tinfoil hats.

Also, we don’t know who the aliens are when they take human form so I recommend taking the time to be kind to everyone.

Say hello, maybe: “Greetings, I am an earthling. I wish you no harm. But for the love of humanity mow that gawdawful yard.”

(Or maybe it’s those Buffalo Commons people trying to buy up the urban areas along with the open prairies. Bison don’t need rental units at [email protected].)