If it gets me food, I'll give thanks

Like many people, I think Thanksgiving is the best holiday we have going for us, but for me it falls just a smidge short of being the absolute perfect holiday because I balk at being bossed around.

Here we have this holiday the sole intent of which (in all its awesomeness) is to bring together family, friends and strays hungry for loads of food and an overabundance of togetherness — then people go and start telling me I'm supposed to be thankful for all the good things that make my life "a joy to live." That I'm supposed to declare my thankfulness because it 'tis the season.

Know what I d...