It's a wild world in Pamville

Here at the Pamville Wild, Feral, Semi-Tame and Pet Animal Preserve, we are dedicated to the protection of life forms no matter species, genus, phylum, kingdom or domain — except where we reserve the right not to in order to maintain the well-being of the majority.

For instance:

Cottontail bunnies. They are cute. They dig their holes under large objects where no one, especially a horse, can step in them and break an ankle. And they provide endless hours of amusement as my dog, who runs with all the speed and agility of a short, hairy rhinoceros, chases them with the boundless hope that one day he will be fleet enough to actually catch one. So much optimism in one stout doggy.

But I digress. The point is bunnies in the pasture are smiled upon, bunnies burrowing under my house, still smiled upon.

Gophers, though, hunted until extinction within the Preserve’s borders, where I am Supreme Ruler and arbiter of life, death and eviction notices.

Horses? Love ’em. Mean horses? Sell ’em.

Mice in the house? Terminated without shame or remorse — they are destroyers of all that is goodness and cleanliness, and potential killers through disease. Mice outdoors? Verbally disparaged and encouraged as snack food for the semi-tame cat.

Bull snakes? Mouse eaters. They are always welcome, though herded away from human dwellings because they look so much like rattle snakes and startle the bejeepers out of humans.

So, rattle snakes? Killed on sight within the Preserve’s boundaries — no stopping to ask if this particular rattler is, maybe, a peace-loving snake or founding member of an anti-biting league. We shamelessly profile here.

Deer in the field? Admired, photographed. Deer settled in for meal on the hay stack? Noisily encouraged to vacate the immediate area of horse feed.

Frogs and toads? Bug eaters. They are always welcome.

Spiders? Mmmm. In the house, they are made dead. Outdoors they are talked to nicely, and hatched nests of babies are taken to shelter in the bushes or the barn. I will take care of insects that have entered my house, the main headquarters of the Preserve, but out in the great outdoors, assistance is always appreciated from the web spinners.

And this does bring us to the point of today’s article (yes, finally).

While measures are taken to eliminate larval, feeding and dwelling habitat of the major insect pests, sometimes outside forces work against us.

When a half-a-year’s worth of rainfall comes in one week, you know the mosquitoes will follow. One can organically treat the major sloughs, but every little hidey-hole, footprint and cupped leaf is a breeding ground for thousands upon thousand upon thousands of mosquitoes. Gnats, too. This summer will be abuzz with blood suckers.

The flies, too, are always around — and a little more so with livestock. The Preserve’s few head of horses, housed in the Domestic Animal Exhibit and featured in the “Feed-able and Pet-able Tour” for timid and very young visitors, participate in the life cycle of flies by creating a warm manure habitat for fly eggs and then suffering through the constant pestering of the flies during the buzzing, biting, pestering flight stage of their life.

Measures are taken to clean up manure in the animal dwelling areas. But some flies are inevitable and more of them since herds of cattle have been introduced on neighboring lands. (I won’t ruin your dinner with gory details, but cows are not tidy animals. At all. Just saying. Don’t think about, just eat your burger.)

However, we have cause for hope this year with a new predator introduced to the Preserve. Not part of any exhibit or tour, unable to be pointed out like a cottontail or a snake or a deer or a skunk, these predators are labeled as killers of flies.

One-eighth-inch long, this flying insect, called simply a fly predator, has only purpose in life: to bore into fly eggs and use them as a home and a nursery. And then do it again and again, through generations of predators.

The balance of nature with human influence in the equation is delicate. It is the great hope of staff and administration, as well as the Supreme Ruler, at the Wild, Feral, Semi-Tame and Pet Animal Preserve that the introduction of this minute predator will help restore a measure of harmony for all.

(Really, don’t think about. Just fire up the barbecue and eat beef for dinner at [email protected].)