Keystoned cops in Canada suspended

Toronto newspapers are reporting that two of the city’s police officers have been suspended with pay pending an investigation on allegations that they consumed cannibis edibles while on duty.

No charges have been filed and any criminal activities are only alleged at this time.

But one officer called for assistance early Sunday morning because he said he thought he was hallucinating and going to pass out, and his partner was found holed up in a tree nearby.

This was a few hours after the pair helped inventory marijuana and marijuana products from a dispensary raid.

So things aren’t looking good on the situation being strictly alleged.

The Toronto Sun reported that the officers had been tasked with guarding the seized evidence at a marijuana dispensary raid. They are alleged to have seized some of the cannabis edibles in their own raid of the evidence and later consumed the bounty.

That’s where the train spun off the tracks.

Sometime late Saturday night or early Sunday morning the impaired pair became separated and one of the officers called an off-duty colleague to help. One could presume this was to keep everything quiet. But the colleague failed to understand the situation as described by a person very allegedly under the influence of drugs and thought the impaired officer was saying his partner had been kidnapped.

Kidnapping an officer is serious stuff, so the colleague called in backup, lots of backup, and officers from four divisions showed up to offer assistance.

This is where things could no longer be kept on the down-low, the hush-hush, under-the-table. Sub rosa, capisce?

In the ensuing chaos, a fellow officer was injured slipping on the ice while helping the officer who thought he was going to pass out. The fall caused a concussion. That officer and at least one other was admitted into the hospital.

The second officer in the incident, the missing one, was not found until after the ambulance arrived and one of the EMS crew members discovered the officer hiding in a nearby tree. Apparently he took the term “getting high” literally. Amateur.

It is unclear how the second officer was removed from the tree, but I like to think that a fireman used a twist on that age-old technique of luring cats out of the tree with a freshly opened can of tuna and, instead, waved a freshly opened bag of Cheetos under the tree and said, “Come and get ’em. Mm-mm, fresh munchies, just for you.”

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Yeah, sadly, the Cheetos would get me out of the tree every time, and I don’t even smoke or eat weed — which, of course, means I would’ve been up a tree stone-cold sober. I probably have messed up priorities at http://www.facebook.com/viewfromthenorth40.com.