Out Our Way: Four loves

Out our way, repetition can be a good thing. I have told you of the trouble I had learning to tie the quick release with the lead rope to the horse trailer; it's a simple maneuver for all but me, it seems, for it took many repeated tries to get it right. Good old "Doc" just stood patiently, shifting his weight from time to time, and finally letting out a great sigh, but eventually I would get it. In time, with enough practice, I didn't even need to think about it, and just did it. And, if you read horse ear sign language, Doc said, "Will miracles never cease?" 

That said, I intend to repeat myself on a text I have explored before, "God is love." And I intend to repeat my self in citing the C.S. Lewis essay, "The Four Loves." It was not my intention to do this this week, and I really have a dandy of an idea I want to play with: The 23rd Psalm from a cowboy's perspective. That was the plan. But as the patron poet of Scotland wrote, "The best laid schemes o' mice and men gaft aft agley." For you "unwashed heathens," the translation into English is "The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray."

Recovering this week from a last ditch effort at a winter cold and fully planning to pursue my 23rd Psalm cowpoke version, I awoke thinking of the Lewis essay. (Go figure. Nyquil and Musinex may combine for some strange side effects).

Anyway, I was feeling sorry for myself, as I tend to do from time to time, especially when under the weather, and having a grand pity party focusing on the loss of romance in my life, when it seemed God whispered in my heart, "The loss of romance does not mean the loss of love." 

That sort of made me wake up! For then it came to me that as Lewis had pointed out, while our English language has only one word for love, the Bible has four. Romantic love, that which is no longer mine, is eros. We Americans place a very high value on romance and that is good, but it is only one type of love, and we often forget that.

It was time to head out to Horse Sense Theology Seminary, located at the east end of town, and have a chat with "Doc" Goliath. He must have known I was coming, because when I arrived he awaiting me at the gate, his over-sized, mule-like ears standing straight up, ready to whinny his greeting as soon as I stepped out of the car. 

We like to socialize a bit, so I had a Pepsi and he had a bucket of oats, and then we got down to business. "Doc," I said, "I am feeling a bit down again. I miss my ex-wife, and I miss being loved."

"Nonsense," I think he snorted, (it's hard to understand him with his mouth filled with grain). Munching loudly with his head out of the bucket and grain falling out of his mouth, he shook his head and noted, "you are surrounded by love!"

He reminded me of the four loves. "Do you not have friends who care about you? What about all those folks at the Church who sent you cards and called you when you were in the hospital? What about those folks who dragged you off to lunch or to dinner at a restaurant on Friday nights after you retired rather than let you sit alone? What about those folks who cleaned the pastor's house when you moved out to get away from painful memories? And how about all those folks who gave their time and effort to haul away all the junk you left behind and take it to the Church Bazaar, or to the Salvation Army, or even to the dump, because you were too depressed and down to do it yourself as you should have? Was not that love?"

Well, I had to admit that it was.

"That was the love the writers of the Bible called storge. It is the deep friendship that best friends and really good neighbors offer. You are loved."

Then he grabbed some more oats and mumbled something like "n i ov oo." Chomping away, he pulled his head out of the bucket and spewing grain left and right, he said more clearly, "And I love you!"   

He reminded me of how he had run to the fence when I drove up, ears and head straight up, and whinnied a greeting. "What do you think that was?" And he reminded me how my dog, Scout, dances when I come home, and how at night he will come to my bed and gaze at me with those big eyes and wait to be petted. "What do you think that means?"

"The Bible writers had another word for love which is even stronger than 'storge,' and that is 'philos.' That is family love, or brotherly love. You and I have a bond when we are under saddle and we communicate without words. It took us years to build that bond, but it is there. You and Scout have such a special connection as well, although you communicate in different ways. Then there is that bond with your sons that both delights you and drives you crazy. You come to the corral and connect with me; you walk into the house and connect with Scout. You talk with your boys face-to-face or over the phone and bond more tightly with them. Is that not love too?"

Well, I had to admit it is. 

Before heading for the grain bucket again he said, "I know you miss the third love, eros, the romantic love you once had in your marriage, and the love you wish you had now. That emptiness is a huge hurt, and one day it may be filled again. But just because it is now missing does not mean there is no love in your life. Then he shoved his head into the grain bucket and said,"ember, od is ove."

Then, once again crunching loudly and again sparing oats all over, he repeated, "Remember, God is love. The fourth word for love used by the writers of the Scripture is 'agape.' This is the love that holds nothing back, seeks no reward. It simply is and is totally giving. It is not a feeling; it is a life-style. One might say it is not a noun but a verb. Or have I dumped you on your head too many times for your poor brain to work itself around that?  'Agape' love is totally self-sacrificing.  It seeks only to serve and to care."

Doc has trouble turning the pages of the Bible so I looked that one up for him as an act of "agape" love. For that is the very word Paul uses in 1 Corinthians 13.

"And," said Doc, "your helping me just because I needed help is an example. But, of course, the greatest example of all is Christ dying on the cross. Look this one up for me too; 'greater love has no one than to give his life for another.' That is agape love. John 15:13."

So I left the corral that day getting the point, I hope, that though I am empty in the romance department, I am surrounded by God's love, for out of God's agape comes philos, storge, and just maybe in His time, even eros.

Some say horses have brains the size of an orange, and that may be true, but their hearts are gigantic. Just look at Doc!

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Last week Doc, Scout and I got a real fan mail letter, and some friends suggested maybe I should let others comment or share, so here's my email:  [email protected]. Thanks for the letter, friend; it made my day and I hope the response got back to you okay.