View from the North 40: When summer fun means killer waves and Santa Claus

Scientists have finally solved the great mystery of the Bermuda Triangle that has haunted mankind for a century, but no one can figure out why Christmas season is now emerging like a mirage through the shimmer of a summer heatwave.

Several news media outlets are reporting about a BBC-aired documentary in which Dr. Simon Boxall, an ocean and earth scientist at the University of Southampton, says that the hundred years of hype about the Bermuda Triangle being an unnatural phenomenon can be drown out by waves — really, really big waves.

That’s right, the 1,000 or so deaths in the Bermuda Triangle in the past 100 years now can be attributed to random, fast-moving, 100-foot rogue waves that are relatively common in this part of the ocean.

The waves, Boxall said, are caused by northern Pacific storms rolling together from the three points of the triangle: Florida, Bermuda and Puerto Rico. As the storms converge, they create these rogue waves that gobble up ships and low-flying planes, he said. Simple as that, no mythical hoodoo popular in all the Bermuda Triangle legends.

I know plenty of people are holding out hope that the Bermuda Triangle is still the birth place of Wonder Woman and her Amazon people on the Island of Themyscira where they mass produce invisible planes, indestructible bracelets and golden lassos of truth, or whatever, and that the whole rogue-wave thing is just a cover-up to keep the island’s location a secret. Right on.

But you should know that Boxall and friends did demonstrate their theory in a big tank of water with a to-scale boat. The witnesses — some of whom were kind of smart about sciency stuff — thought it was pretty legit.

So now that we can explain this Top 10 mystery, let’s try to tackle the universal mystery of why Christmas is starting earlier every year.

I remember the days when dirt was brand new to the Earth and Christmas didn’t start until after Thanksgiving. Sure it started the day after T-day with the traditional running of the bargain shoppers in stores everywhere, but it seemed reasonably acceptable that Thanksgiving at least had its due.

In the last handful of years we’ve gone straight from Halloween to Christmas decorations. People are like “November 1st?! Hurry up, Gladys, and throw that jack-o-lantern in a pot and boil it down to make cold-weather, spicy drinks. Kids, eat your spook-themed candy while you grab that mummy and the ghosts, wrap them in the fake spiderweb and throw them in the attic, then start bringing down the boxes marked ‘X-mas,’ the family unit has some redecorating to do. As a special treat tonight, we’ll watch some TV to see what toys the commercials recommend we break the bank buying this year.”

Ho. Ho. Ho.

Thanksgiving is just Christmas’ half-time entertainment show now.

As a side note, I kind of blame Thanksgiving for this. There’s only so much decorating you can do with cardboard turkeys and a cornucopia. People like their bling. Not me so much, but people.

At this point, you’re wondering why I’m writing about Christmas at the beginning of August in the middle of a heatwave that might set record high temperature. It’s a reasonable thought.

It’s because the annual World Santa Claus Congress recently got over in Copenhagen, Denmark. Yes, more than 150 Santas from all over the world got together during a record-breaking heatwave across Europe to have a parade, go boating in Copenhagen’s legendary waterways, visit the Little Mermaid statue and compete in games, including an obstacle course — with nary a pair of Bermuda shorts among the red-clad men of merry tidings.

“Normally us Santas work alone,” Scottish Santa Ian Tom told Reuters — completely diminishing the Elves’ roll in the holiday. Whatever. Santa Ian will be hearing from their union rep, no doubt.

And no doubt you’re thinking that those Santas were obviously on vacation and this does not signal a ho-ho-hostile takeover of summer fun by Kris Kringle and his unappreciated minions.

Don’t be fooled by their frolicking.

Reuters also reported Aug. 2 that Selfridges department store in London was opening their new Christmas shop during the same heatwave with a rock ’n’ roll-themed Santa sporting a studded leather jacket, a guitar and black sunglasses. The store was promoting its “Selfridges Rocks Christmas,” Reuters said, with a Ziggy Stardust Christmas tree decoration and an Elvis Presley nutcracker. An. Elvis. Nutcracker.

I don’t know if any part of this human-related phenomenon can be explained scientifically.

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Ho, ho, ho, merry heatwave to everyone, at http://www.facebook.com/viewfromthenorth40.com/.