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Looking out my Backdoor: Goo-Goo-Googling along


Last updated 7/23/2020 at 8:40am

I woke up with yellow eyeballs. The color was not quite glow-in-the-dark neon yellow, but definitely, the whites of my yes sported a sickly yellowish cast, gunked with matter.

In lieu of a thermometer, I felt my Ford-bumper with the back of my hand. Felt normal to me. All systems functioning.

Next I did what any modern person with access to internet knows not to do but does it despite themselves. I consulted Dr. Google. “What causes yellow eyes, O Great Oracle?”

Frankly, I didn’t care for any of the options on offer but felt like I needed a starting point, so I chose malaria. I m...

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