Why getting hit in the head is now more dangerous than ever

What if, when you wake up from the coma, the hospital people are having one of those political differences of opinion?

Medical Person One:“So Mr, Rawn, could you tell us who is president?”

Me: “That's an easy one: Joe Biden.”

Medical Person One: “Stop the steal! The real president is Donald Trump!”

Me: “Well, things have been kind of hazy ever since the asteroid fell on me, so if you say so.”

Medical Person Two: “Actually, Mr. Rawn was technically correct the first time, but in reality Joe is just a place holder while Kamala Harris completes her training to take the reins.”

Me: “Wait a minute. I'm getting another headache here. Isn't Pete Buttigieg supposed to be next?”

Medical Persons chorus: “Why don't you just go back to sleep, Mr. Rawn, while our experienced medical team makes it all better.”

This may sound to you like a minor inconvenience — all a person has to do is be careful to avoid any head injuries until after the next presidential election, when everybody will be ready to agree again. But looking back over the last few election cycles, I have my doubts.

Suppose you have to wake up in 2017. This time, “Donald Trump” has to be the right answer, right?

Wrong.

Medical Person One: “Not my president!”

Medical Person Two: “He's a Russian asset!”

Medical Person One: “Hilary Clinton got the most votes!”

Medical Person Three: “Should have been Bernie Sanders if the Democrats didn't go and steal if from him!”

Medical Person Two: “Bernie Sanders is a Russian asset, too.”

Medical Person Four: “Hillary can't be president, she said I'm deplorable.”

Medical Person Two: “Jill Stein is a Russian asset, too!”

The more I think about it, the more dangerous these political disagreements of ours become. If things were just as bad five years ago in 2017, does that mean 2027 is likely to be risky too? Let's give it one more try: 2009.

Me: “Barack Obama!”

Medical Person One: “Are you kidding me? Didn't anybody tell you, that man was born in Africa?”

Medical Person Two: “And that middle name, Hussein? Doesn't that make him related to the one in Iraq?”

Medical Person Three: “Hilary Clinton should have won that one too!”

Medical Person One:“The patient appears confused.”

Two thousand one? I don't even want to go there. I remember, it was supposed to be Al Gore, the “Day After Tomorrow” person, except for the Supreme Court, and hanging chads, whatever a chad is. But does that mean all that forever war in Iraq and Afghanistan didn't have to happen?

Medical Person: “This isn't working, let's try something else. Mr. Rawn, can you tell us what year it is?

Me: “1953, and before you even ask, I like Ike.”

——

Will Rawn of Havre is a retired Montana State University-Northern professor.