Looking out my Backdoor: Dear most precious son and daughter

Dear Most Wonderful, Most Precious, Beautiful and Intelligent Beyond Compare, My Loving Son and Daughter,

I am writing to let you know that it is time for you to put your heads together and figure out a plan for elder care. With great sadness I report, it is the beginning of the end. I left a burner on beneath the egg pan this morning. Ate breakfast. Went outside and puttered in the garden. Came back inside to the odor of hot metal and burned butter.

Fortunately, the pan did not melt onto the burner. The house is still intact. I did not go up in flames nor die of smoke inhalation.

However, tha...