On civility

August is Civility Month, and it is a great time to take a moment to practice disagreeing without being disagreeable. Are you comfortable having conversations with people who disagree with you? Do you know how to find ways to start tricky conversations respectfully? Do you wish you knew how to stay civil without feeling you are giving up your beliefs or opinions?

During this past legislative session I heard a lot about civility and decorum. Usually it was someone being aghast that someone else said “that thing” in a legislative committee, or on the floor of the House or Senate (as if we don’t hear much worse every day). But we expect the public space of the Legislature to be a little bit better than we are; a little more refined and learned. We also want it to be a place where we can get redress for our grievances, and not be treated as though we don’t matter.

Most of the times I heard people in the Legislature breaking the rules of decorum, it was because they were honestly exasperated, feeling that their position or values haven’t been listened to respectfully. Like if they didn’t shout and pound the table, nobody would listen. Other times, in committees, the rules of decorum were broken by keeping the public from speaking or participating, so that the people running the meeting wouldn’t have to hear difficult, complicated truths. It happens. So what? Sometimes feelings are hurt, sometimes justice is denied, and sometimes it just slides by.

But that isn’t what civility is about. Civility is about being heard and listening to others respectfully, especially when you disagree. We want to live in a community where we all treat each other with civility and respect. We want our communities, schools, and public meetings to be safe places for honest discourse. We want adults to be better civic role models for children and youth. We want the voices, values, and opinions of all citizens of our democracy to be heard. Those things can’t happen unless we agree to civility.

Will you consider signing on to the Civility First Pledge this August? How about sharing your intention to abide by it with others?

Civility First Pledge

In order to create communities where everyone is treated with civility and respect, each of us affirms that we will:

1. Value honesty and good will while striving to solve problems.

2. Attempt genuinely to understand the point of view of others.

3. Model civil behavior and language, online as well as in public, by:

• Being kind while maintaining the right to vigorously disagree.

• Acting respectfully toward others, including opponents.

• Listening carefully to those who disagree with us, as well as to supporters.

• Making only accurate statements when defending a position.

• Refraining from demonizing adversaries.

4. Encourage others to practice these civil behaviors.

5. Challenge disrespectful behavior, courteously.

6. Renew our efforts, if we fail, and forgive others, if they fail.

——

Jasmine Krotkov is a former Neihart postmaster and legislator representing House District 25 in Great Falls who works with an advocacy group called Truth to Powerof clergy and people who are led by conscience called Truth to Power who advocate in the state Legislature.